yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
