i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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