I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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