y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
