I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
