My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
