I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
