i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
