He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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