So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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