Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Randomize
