yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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