News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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