I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
