if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
