We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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