I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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