i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
