i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
