ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
