I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
