Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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