Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
