I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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