I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
