You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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