I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
