That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pooping to opera.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
