You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
