How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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