remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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