I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
