I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Its about making memories worth repressing
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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