I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
