oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
