girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
