You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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