I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize