We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
