Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
