I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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