as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i came on her dog
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
