Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
