you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
