it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
