I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize