You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
