My friends, they love my intelligence
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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