is your mom at the bar?
I puked a lego.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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