did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
