my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
