theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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