So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize