booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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