My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
