you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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