and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
