TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
