Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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