Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
