yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
