I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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