she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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