dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
