I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone shit on the floor
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
