but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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