i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am one with the molecules
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
