His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
