dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hippo gnu deer
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
