You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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