i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
