This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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