he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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