I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
