Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
