if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just pee around me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
