were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
